Quality of Life Mentor
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Topic Two -- Self Image

SELF IMAGE DEFINED:

Self-esteem and self-image generally refer to the same thing.  Self-esteem is best described as that total set of awareness of how you view yourself in relation to the world about you; including God, family, friends, work associates, society at large, organizations with which you affiliate and your job and career.  It is the sum total of all the attitudes that have been instilled in you through your interface with all of life's circumstances that have come your way.

Self-image is always very complex, and no two people are exactly alike - even identical twins.

You can't be someone else - you can only be yourself.  It is that special quality of being unique that draws you to certain people and them to you.  Copycats are never popular; any attempt to mimic someone else only causes others to wonder who you really are.

Hopefully, if anything is to be gained from this topic, you will realize that you are truly different from everybody else and that oneness that represents you is something to capitalize upon.  Wouldn't it be a dull world if we were all alike, or simply clones of someone else? 

Through a proper understanding of self-esteem you will be in a better position to enhance your potential for greater satisfaction and fulfillment in life.             

    QUESTIONS WE WILL ADDRESS ABOUT SELF--IMAGE:

Lets look now at my self-image through the means of the survey questionnaire about self-esteem.

    ASSESSING MY SELF-IMAGE:

Go now to the Self--Image/Esteem Survey/Questionnaire for you Pre-Survey.  Please don't go past this section until you have completed the Pre-Survey.  If you take your pre-survey after you have finished the material, you will have no basis to compare what you knew before you started the topic with what you gained.

When you have marked each response, return here for your individual review and assessment. 

DO I HAVE A WELL-DEVELOPED POSITIVE SELF IMAGE? 

You should have checked the "Agree" column for these question numbers:

             1, 3, 6, 8, 9, 11, 14, 15, 16, 19, 22, 23, 26, 29, 32, 36. 

To make your review easier, we suggest that you circle these numbers on your answer sheet.  This makes it easy to compare your responses.

    HERE IS A QUICK ASSESSMENT OF YOUR RESPONSES: 

Few people have such a well-defined, positive self-image that they can score all sixteen (16) statements in the "Agree" column.

There is usually room for improvement.  Now, you are aware of what is necessary should you decide to improve upon your self-esteem.

Remember that you are the one who must seek changes for the better, others cannot do this for you, nor can they be expected to change and NOT you.

In those cases where you placed items in the "Disagree" or "Unsure" columns that should have been in the "Agree" category, be sure to carefully review the practices to AVOID in order to start on any needed course toward improvement in your self-esteem.

    A SOUND BASIS FOR DEVELOPING A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE:

Two key factors have more to do with the development of proper self-esteem than any others.

This is where reality comes into focus.  You may disagree with or dislike the expectations others place on you, but that will not stop people from so doing.  Society requires certain conformity from its members, otherwise those members are considered uncivilized.

Here are some important concepts that need to be acquired into your lifestyle should you desire a more positive self-image.

    BUILDING BLOCKS FOR A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE: 

1. Recognize that God is my Creator and that I am created in His image.  (This gives me unlimited potential, but what I choose to do to develop that potential is up to me).

2. The human brain has three major functions.  These are: 

These three brain functions can work in harmony and in unison, or they can function independently--to the detriment of one or both of the other functions.  I can train (program) my brain to work in certain predetermined ways.  (If I am given "A" and "B" as input, then automatically "C" can be inferred--once I apply knowledge or learning and practice by experience, I begin to acquire some wisdom.  The more I acquire wisdom the better I can respond to any given circumstance.  (Until this becomes automatic or reduced to a simple reflex, much thought and determination and practice (skill) must be applied in order to have a successful outcome).

True thinking can be more physically and mentally exhausting than hard labor.  Too many of us never use our brain effectively, because we are either lazy, indifferent or ignorant--or all three. 

When you started to drive you first amassed a lot of facts about your State's vehicle code.  Then you learned about such things as "brake reaction time" and "stopping distances."  Then came a period of behind-the-wheel practice with a licensed, experienced and mature driver present.  You learned hand, eye, foot coordination and the use of your "kinesthetic" senses.  (The ability to "see" your vehicle as a rectangle occupying relational space as you moved down the street or maneuvered into a parking space between two other vehicles).  Also you had to learn how the vehicle responded in dry, wet, slippery or icy and snowy conditions.  Now you sense the proper thing to do in any given set of driving circumstances without having to think about it.  Because your brain had to inter-act to so many and constantly changing conditions, you became tired after  an hour, or less, behind the wheel.  This is a normal and natural outcome of intensive brain activity. 

{Many car insurance companies and auto clubs offer "defensive driving" courses, which not only help drivers refresh their skills, but also offer discounts as "safe" driver for having participated in these special, periodic programs} 

Another example is what is being termed "road rage."  There are more and more news accounts of instances where someone opens fire on another vehicle because they felt they were "cut off" in traffic.  Aggressive driving is liable to lead you to confront another equally aggressive driver; and thus the stage can be set for a collision.  Defensive driving always pays, even if you have to swallow your pride and ego.

3. Recognize my own potential.  (This is where self assessment can come in handy.  Most of  us are unaware of our potential in many areas we never explore).

4. I am not like any other person in the universe.  Each person is a unique individual.

5. Accept as fact that I Can do anything I want to.

HOW CAN I KNOW WHEN I PROJECT A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE?                 (When the following can be said of me):

Once I know the ingredients for building positive self-esteem, I need to be aware of the consequences for failing to apply these principles to my lifestyle.

    FAILURE TO ESTABLISH A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE RESULTS IN:

If I know ahead of time the consequences of lack of self-esteem, I can take steps to make corrections before bad habits get too ingrained.

Let's look at some of the attitudes and practices that can lead to a poor self-image.

    WHAT PRACTICES AND ATTITUDES SHOULD I AVOID??

Bill Gothard tells in his "Basic Life Principles Seminar," about surveys that have been taken among a broad sample of college students.  The respondents were selected as being viewed by their peers as among the best looking, most popular and most intelligent.  Ninety-five percent (95%) of this sample viewed themselves as deficient or substandard in some area of their appearance, as they made their own self assessment!

Beware, then, of certain traps and pitfalls you need to become aware about to keep you from the mistaken impressions most of these college students held.

1. Self-Criticism

2. Too willing to accept someone else's judgment as they compare me to others.   (Who gave them any right to say)?

3. There is no reason to accept any feeling of inferiority.

4. Self-Rejection:

5. I am able to recognize God for who He is as my Creator.

6. I must be willing to accept responsibility.

7. I must be willing to make commitments.

8. Recognize that there is a chain of command for authority. 

9. Recognize that self-rejection is destructive. 

10. Recognize that self-criticism is only self-defeating.

11. Too much importance placed on materialism.

    HOW AND WHY PEOPLE'S NAMES HAVE MEANING: 

(My parents knew a family named "Bond" who had a daughter during World War I.  It was popular, then, to call savings bonds or war bonds, "Liberty Bonds."  In a feeling and show of patriotism they named this girl "Iona Liberty Bond."  Imagine, going through life with a name like that)? 

Hopefully this information will make you more aware of the meaning of names, and to use care and wisdom in naming your own children.

You can gain real respect and admiration when you demonstrate to others that you know what their names means.  (Do you know a better or quicker way to establish good rapport with someone you would like to have think well of you)?  Your local educational or public library should have references that tell the meanings of names.

A brief listing of some of the more common women's and men's names is provided.  You may wish to glance over these lists on pages 2-15 and 2-16 before continuing. 

 In the Sources and Resources section that follows every topic is a list of related references that you might like to use to give you greater depth of information about these topics than our limited space permits here.

(Notice, too, that selected listings of shareware and commercial software are often mentioned for your further pursuit of more detailed information as well as hands-on practice with selected topics that may arouse your curiosity.  You can also order selected, recommended shareware as well as commercial software applications through our "Quality of Life Mentor" web site, see listings provided).

    LET'S LOOK AT HOW THE BIBLE REFLECTS ON SELF-IMAGE:

 So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.
--ACTS 24:16 NIV

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
--GENESIS 1:27 NIV

 ...for why should my freedom be judged by another's conscience? 
--I CORINTHIANS 10:29B NIV

 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.
--GALATIANS 5:22, 23 NIV

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
--GALATIANS 6:7 NIV

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth, meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.  Then you will be prosperous and successful.
--JOSHUA 1:8 NIV 

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissentions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.  I warn you as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.  
--GALATIANS 5:19-21 NIV

These are just a few of the many references found in the Bible that relate to Self-Image and that have practical application, today.  See if you can locate some others. 

RESPECTED VOICES FROM THE PAST:

Give me the benefit of your convictions, if you have any; but keep your doubts to yourself, for I have enough of my own.
--GOETHE

Our opinion of people depends less upon what we see in them than upon what they make us see in ourselves.
--SARAH GRAND

No professional is more important to Free Enterprise than the image maker.

The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one's work seriously and taking oneself seriously.  The first is imperative, and the second disastrous.
--MARGOT FONTEYN

Would the child you were be proud of the adult you are? 
 --DON K. SHAYNE

Wise is he who has learned to admire but not to envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate.

If you would stand well with a great mind, leave him with a favorable impression of yourself; if with a little mind, leave him a favorable impression of himself. 
--SAMUEL TAYLOR COLERIDGE                                    

 Anybody who is any good is different from anybody else. 

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

Don't laugh at a youth for his affectations; he is only trying on one face after another to find a face of his own.
--ROGER PEARSALL SMITH

Perhaps you have a favorite quotation you can add here?

     THE VIEW FROM THE LIGHTER SIDE:

Its no wonder parents are confused.  Our daughter has jeans that say Calvin Klein, dresses that say Christian Dior, scarves that say Gucci, and skirts that say Pucci.  And what does she keep telling us?  "I want to be me!" 

Learn a new language and get a new soul.  
--CZECH PROVERB

Want a thing long enough, and you don't.
--CHINESE PROVERB

Some people treat life like a slot machine, trying to put in as little as possible and hoping to hit a jackpot.  Wiser people think of life as a solid investment from which they receive in terms of what they put in.

 Everyone is a self-made person, but only the successful admit it.

Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one rascal less in the world. 
--THOMAS CARLYLE

They say you don't really know a person until you've camped out with them.  Car-pooling serves the same purpose.  

 A young woman was applying for a Civil Service job.  Her maiden name as well as her married name, was Green.  To clarify this on her application, she penciled in: "Green before marriage."
 --LIDIE WILLIAMS

How much the place of one's birth can color thinking was brought home to me recently when my 13-year-old son interrupted his reading to ask, "Who was William Tecumseh Sherman?"  Before I could explain that he was a cagey Union general who managed to bring the South to its knees by audaciously cutting a swath of destruction across the middle of the Confederacy, my South-Carolina-born-and-bred wife had neatly capsulized her own view.  "He was an arsonist!"
--THOMAS L. PRY

 There's a college senior I know who had to quit searching for her identity so she could begin searching for a job.
--WILLIAM D. TAMMEUS

Perhaps you can recall a humorous item to include here.

You can appreciate from the three types of material resources you have just finished reviewing, that there is a wealth of knowledge, information and wisdom available to you.  If you remain unaware that this type of information is available, then you will choose to remain ignorant. 

Ignorance can always be cured through information.  Thus it is no disgrace to be ignorant at times.  When you are not too embarrassed to admit that you don't know something, you make the choice to ask questions to verify or clarify the situation, or seek out the many sources of information that are available to you.

Newspapers, magazines, books, libraries, continuing education, lectures, forums, Information Services such as Internet, ISP’s, web sites, Compuserve, Prodigy, America-On-Line--all serve to help you stay up-to-date and alert to new things and changing technology.  Education and learning are processes that go on continuously throughout your entire lifetime.

Mentors are also vital in helping you improve and discover new potential that you were not aware you had.  Seek out those individuals who can serve as positive role models, and just as important--be alert for those you can be a mentor to as well.

    RECAP:

Now would be a good time to take your Self-Image Post-Survey in order for you to compare your responses with the Pre-Survey and realize how much new information you gained.

You, and you alone, have the control where your self-image is concerned.  Should you choose not to exercise any control, it is your self-esteem that suffers.

If, on the basis of the statements you marked on the self-image survey, you feel there are some improvements you would like to make; then practice applying the building blocks for a positive self-image that appeared earlier in this topic.

My fifth-grade teacher, Mrs. Allen, put a different quotation on the blackboard each week, and asked us to memorize it. The one I remember the most clearly is:

Habit is a cable--we weave a thread of it everyday--and at last we cannot break it." 
--HORACE MANN

It can be clearly seen by this quotation that a change in any routine demands a fundamental change in lifestyle.  Usually will is not strong enough, because your habits become too ingrained.  A negative self-image can be changed slowly into a more positive one through the process of modifying our lifestyle.  You can't change 180 degrees in direction all of a sudden, due to the fact that you didn't get the way you are overnight--your self-image is the product of countless actions, interactions and reactions over an extended period of time.

Should you feel the need to make some modification to your self-image, recognize that any positive change requires continual effort and attention until the new practice becomes automatic, just as was the case with the older lifestyle.  You can change, you can change for the better but you have to CHOOSE to do it.  No one else can make these changes for you.  Practice. Practice. Practice.

An inadequate self-image is usually the outcome of listening to other people's impressions of you.  Many times people are just trying to be friendly by teasing or kidding you.  Children are often quick to call attention to any differences they detect in others.  Teach your children to understand this and let them know that they can call attention to something else that is different in their friends.  Each of us has been given one or more physical features that distinguish us from others.  (Hair color, height, our gait when we walk, etc., etc.)  These characteristics are what give you a sense of identity and helps you form a positive self-image that is unique to you alone.

Thank goodness that at least, I'm NOT like SOME people! 

A poor self-image can arise from the fact that you have been developing some very negative character traits.  Seek to establish only positive character traits and your self-image will project these.

Many of you may recall Oscar Wilde's story, "The Picture of Dorian Gray."  If you have never read this classic, consider doing so now.

A recent TV presentation of "Biography" featured the life of GARY COOPER, noted silent and sound cowboy-role film star.  As a seasoned actor, he had a nervous new starlet assigned to play opposite him.  He sent her this note to help put her at ease:

There ain't never a horse that caint be rode.  There ain't never a rider that caint be throwed!
--GARY COOPER

Any individual who places an emphasis on negative character development will experience dissatisfaction and lack of fulfillment, have a lower level of success and an inferior quality of life as well as less than adequate self-esteem.

Know the meaning of your name and seek to stress those positive character traits that are associated with your name.  This will help you make giant strides in building a positive self-image.

Practice looking up the meanings of people's names in your family, immediate circle of friends and among work associates. Then compliment these individuals from time-to-time, whenever you see them living up to the meaning of their name.  You will be rewarded richly simply because you have recognized them as a special individual.  Each of us is special.

When parents or close family members thoughtlessly use terms as, "You brat!" or, "You surely are stupid!"  They are setting the stage for the development of a poor self-image.  Correct behavior by telling the offender what it is that they are doing wrong, why it is wrong, and what it is that you expect of them in the way of acceptable behavior.

Remember, too, that it is your attitude about the basic things of life that will determine what type of self-esteem you project to others.

We trust at this stage of reviewing these first two topics that you have learned something new and positive about Self Assessment, your personality and your Self-Image.  The remaining eighteen presentations of "Twenty Timely Quality of Life Topics" contain 90% of the information you need in order to assure satisfaction and fulfillment in your lifestyle.  Please don't stop here!

Because no one has a "perfect" lifestyle we can assure you that a basic knowledge of all twenty topics will place you in the best strategic position to achieve the maximum fulfillment and satisfaction in your quality of life.

Please continue to use our Internet web site in order to see other user comments, exchange e-mail messages and as a means to make suggestions on ways you would like to see the material revised and/or up-dated.  We appreciate your recommendations and advice, and welcome your comments.

This topic, Topic Two--Self-Image, relates very directly to the topics on Personal Lifestyle and Family Quality of Life.  That is why you need to make any necessary corrections or improvements in your self-image before you reach these topics.

Topic Three—Recognizing Reality,” is the next in the series of “Twenty Timely Quality of Life Topics."  (We recommend that you complete these twenty topics in their numbered sequence in order to get the maximum benefit from this material).

© 2000 Jim Opperman